Hello! It’s Wednesday again, and I’m still playing Longleaf Valley. I just figured out how to reunite Buttercup the deer with her family, by which I mean I merged items for roughly two thousand years of my life and then clicked a button. But readers, ya girl loves to merge. I’ve also been dabbling in Civilization V again while rewatching a TV show, so yeah, you could say I’m pretty hip to what’s going on in the gaming world right now.

Israel’s assault on Palestine continues. Please consider subscribing to Crips for Palestine, a newsletter of digital actions compiled by our very own Zainabb Hull, reading up on the conflict from the Palestine Feminist Collective, or donating to one of the randomized fundraisers at GazaFunds.com.

The annual Queer Games Bundle is also available this month to celebrate Pride—pick it up now for $60 and get 489 games, zines, and more!

What’s Going on in Fortnite?

Shockingly, not much!

There doesn’t seem to be a whole lot of new content since my last GYGO, but May’s update, which added car combat, includes some premium cars that can only be purchased with V-bucks, the game’s premium real-money currency. Epic’s Fortnite FAQ states that it is not pay-to-win, but some Fortnite players suggested these premium cars were better than the free models rather than just being cosmetic. Specifically, according to TikTok user Nickeh30, these free cars had larger windshields that make it easier to shoot a player through them; premium cars have smaller windshields, making it harder to shoot a player inside. Shortly after the issue was raised, Epic told Kotaku that they were aware of the issue and would fix it in an upcoming build. A day later, Epic validated the complaints—stating that some “Vehicle bodies… have larger exposed sightlines to the driver while in the passenger position,” and that an update would be made to move the driver position backward to make them harder to hit.

Metallica is also coming to Fortnite Festival, the rhythm game-in-a-game within Fortnite. Six tracks by the band will be available in the game, as well as a new PVP mode where you can play against others, and some new cosmetic items. These cosmetic items includes a Lars Ulrich outfit (available immediately from the Premium battle pass) and “Puppet Master” versions of each Metallica member.

Is Metallica still cool? I feel like Metallica hasn’t been cool since I was in high school roughly 100 years ago and the whole Napster debacle went on. Who is this appealing to? Still, I thank God every day I knew the words to “Enter Sandman…”

Yes, the Epic vs. Apple Stuff Is Still Going On

The Epic Games Store will launch on iOS in the back half of 2025. The UK recently passed the Digital Markets, Competition, and Consumers Bill, which is similar to the European Union’s Digital Markets Act that aims to regulate big tech and make digital markets more accessible to smaller publishers, developers, and creators. With both measures in place, it will be easier for Epic (and other third-party sellers) to launch on iOS. This also means that Fortnite will be available on iOS in the UK again when the store launches.

In typical Tim Sweeney fashion, the CEO of Epic Games called on Apple CEO Tim Cook to “tear down this wall,” with “this wall” being the restrictions Apple had previously enacted on third-party marketplaces and payments systems, which, if you think about it, is really just like the Berlin Wall. (I’m joking, it’s not like the Berlin Wall at all. Even if Apple is a tech giant with a negative effect on every industry they have their enormous hands in, you gotta hand it to Tim Sweeney for being the corniest guy in the room.)

News That Made Me Go “Hey, What the Fuck?”

IKEA—yes, the flat-pack furniture and Swedish meatball purveyor—is hiring 10 people in the UK and Ireland to run its virtual Roblox store. IKEA has a virtual Roblox store, and they are hiring people to work at it. This is real. They will pay you £13.15/€14.80 per hour to help customers shop for furniture and serve virtual meatballs, I guess? As PC Gamer pointed out, at least this time they’re not using child labor! Also, apparently Wal-Mart does this too? Who doesn’t love wandering the eerie, high-ceilinged, fluorescent-lit halls of a Wal-Mart virtually? Is this what those “liminal space” games everybody’s always going on about are?

YouTube has launched Playables, a collection of 75 games including Angry Birds Showdown, Cut the Rope, and Words of Wonders. That means you can now play games on YouTube in an interface that smacks of AddictingGames.com. Why would you want to do this? YouTube did not answer this question, unfortunately.

If you’ve ever wondered whether Bugs Bunny or a Super Mutant would win in a race, great news! The Looney Tunes and Fallout characters are joining Stumble Guys, a mobile party game where you try to run and… not fall over.

New Games I Might Actually Play on Mobile

Another month, another section to make a liar out of me as I continue to just play Longleaf Valley while watching Elementary.

The Case of the Golden Idol, a point-and-click mystery game, is now available on mobile through Netflix games. In this adventure, you’ll play an 18th-century detective trying to determine whether a number of deaths linked to a mysterious golden idol are supernatural or more human in nature.

Luna the Shadow Dust, a hand-drawn game where you play play two characters on an adventure in a world where the moon has disappeared.

Combining mechanics inspired by Minesweeper and Sudoku, Mazaica, a new puzzle game from Hamster on Coke, challenges players to connect lines and merge blocks together. The game is out now for iOS and Android.

Bumbling Cats, an idle game featuring—you’re never going to believe this—cats, is due out July 31. You’ll be attacking really, really big cats with much smaller cats, all of which are quite bumbling! To riff on an iconic tweet, must a game be good? Or is it not enough to sit on my couch and see a cute cat, huge?

Roia lets you control elevation to create a riverbed. You just move a little stream around. How lovely does that sound? Find it on iOS and Google Play on July 16.

In other news…

The Among Us show has a trailer! I still have never played Among Us, although I did briefly watch Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez play it in 2020. Listen, we were all in a weird place in 2020.

I feel extremely ancient right now because I started playing Neopets in 2000, and now there’s a whole land with its own video game that I don’t know about. Neopets: Tales of Dacardia launched this month on mobile and allows players to rebuild Dacardia, an island off the coast of Altador (I do know that one!).

Nikki—of Love Nikki fame, is leaving the world of mobile phones for the hi-fi realness of PlayStation in the upcoming Infinity Nikki. Good for her. I bet her outfits are going to look rad in high definition.

Android now leads iOS in mobile game ad revenue. Uh… sorry about that one, folks. I can’t stop clicking on and downloading terrible mobile games.

The newest Assassin’s Creed game, Assassins’s Creed Shadows, will be available at launch on iPad. Are iPads that powerful? Does Assassin’s Creed Shadows require less hardware power? Could we have been gaming on iPads this whole time? I don’t have an iPad, I don’t know why I’m even bothering thinking about this. The last time I played a game on a tablet it was testing one of those Mahjong matching games for my grandma.