The leaves are changing, the air is crisp, and sweet scents waft through the air. It’s that time of year for the night to stretch long and for ourselves to prepare for the chill of Winter. Though Halloween has passed, I would argue the darker months have their own spooky charms and haunted visions. Hollywood doesn’t stop putting out horrors (or Marvel movies), so let’s imagine our own show we’d like to curl up with by the fire!
That’s right, time for us to dream of a video game movie/series we’d love to make! With the success of The Witcher, I feel more hopeful about such things. For myself, I’m gonna choose my well-tread fave, Bloodborne, and give my top picks for casting.
So come, let us sit about and speak feverishly, chatting into the wee hours OF MY WONDERFUL NIGHTMARE!!
The following contains slight spoilers for certain characters in Bloodborne.
The Hunter: Asia Kate Dillon
A hunter must hoont! And who better to track down the beasts of the night than someone who tracks down assassins day to day? Dillon has already proved their acting chops in Orange is the New Black and John Wick, though my personal fave is their voice work of Val/Valentina in Gen:Lock! A commanding voice and excellent style, if you saw them as the Adjudicator then you’ll know why I chose them to handle eldritch beings.
Gehrman, The First Hunter: Ian McKellen
YOU! SHALL NOT! HUUUUNT!! Before he was running around gathering hobbits, Sir Ian already had a long history of thespian work, making him feel right at home in Yharnam. Richard the 2nd, Hamlet, Magneto! He’s made a career out of portraying powerful men who shape destinies. I can’t help thinking of dear Gandalf, though. The range from a doddering old man to centuries of fury in human form—it’s a perfect fit! Double points if we can insert a reference about his old wizardry work.
The Doll/Lady Maria: Anya Taylor-Joy
I’m not cheating in this double cast, I swear! There’s an interesting contrast between the kind host of the hunter’s dream and the old hunter cursed in a nightmare. Taylor-Joy, the rising star from The Queen’s Gambit, is an ideal choice in my mind to fulfill these dual roles. To be clear, the two characters are not the same person and shouldn’t be considered that way. However, there is a certain link between them, within the dream, that I feel Taylor-Joy can allude to in quiet moments, relying on her excellent slight motions and deadly glares.
Father Gascoigne: Mads Mikkelsen
Ah, the real life cryptid, the man, the memetic mutation. No matter what role Mads is in, he gives it his all. Now he has to go mad from blood! It seems he’s making a habit of tortured father roles, from Kaecilius in Dr. Strange to Galen Urso in Rogue One. So let’s make it a theme with Father Gascoigne! Mads is also no stranger to video games with his involvement in Death Stranding, so I don’t think it’d take much to convince him. And you better believe we’ll give him an expanded role with flashbacks (and not just because I think he’s hot…).
Eileen, The Crow: T’Nia Miller
From her pivotal role in The Haunting of Bly Manor and her too-brief moments in Sex Education, I knew I needed Miller in my fantasy casting. Eileen is an exciting character I definitely need backstory for—she appears in very specific moments, and often off the beaten path of the player. In our movie/series there will be no hiding; we’ll see Miller as Eileen without her plague mask, perhaps in the day before night falls, carefully stalking the blood-drunk beasts that lurk in men. And this is absolutely an excuse for several wardrobe changes. I feel no shame!
Djura: Zahn Tokiya-ku McClarnon
Our favourite Powder Keg hunter who greets us with a gatling gun. While Djura is a bit hard to befriend for new hunters, with time you find he has a strong drive to protect the beasts of Old Yharnam. McClarnon has been acting since high school, spanning from drama to comedy, so he should feel at home in the old hunter’s boots. His recent work in Fargo and Westworld show off his fighting strength, and if you haven’t watched Reservation Dogs yet, you’re missing out! Finding the balance of a gruff old hunter with a slight, wry edge of humour is a careful balance that McClarnon can strike. We’ll definitely need him to say out loud the Powder Keg’s motto: “If a weapon ain’t got kick, it just ain’t worth it.”
Alfred: Nikolaj Coster-Waldau
This beefy blond executioner (with a surprisingly large following) deserves to be played by another beefy blond executioner. Coster-Waldau had us all charmed as the Kingslayer, Jaime Lannister, in Game of Thrones. No stranger to the stage, his theatrics will do well bringing Alfred’s hammy zealousness to life, and no doubt creating a few converts in the audience. But do we dare turn all his insides to the outside for all the world to see?!
Micolash, Host of the Nightmare: Dev Patel
Either you love him, hate him, or love to hate him. The illusive man running through the nightmare in pure jubilation: Micolash. While this may be a surprising choice, I believe Patel can truly capture the rapturous joy of the man (and may cause the character’s popularity to rise). Perhaps the Mensis Cage will give Patel a break from all the caresses of his face in The Green Knight. We shouldn’t forget Steven Elliot’s unused dialogue (which I dearly wish was the voice work chosen in the final game)—Patel can no doubt be the true host of the nightmare!
So there you have it! Bloodborne, the movie or TV series from Netflix that I desperately need. There’s a few stray characters that we’d need to think about: Iosefka, Laurence, Gilbert… Probably Saoirse Ronan, Florence Pugh, and Timothée Chalamet will be involved, just because I really enjoyed Little Women. But those details can be sorted later when I magically get this approved and have exorbitant amounts of money to fund it! Do you agree with my casting? Know that I won’t be accepting any critique…!
When I’m not co-oping in a FromSoft game or trying to convince someone how good the Venom movie was; I usually enjoy crafting, drawing and hanging out with my two cats.
Find my silly takes and NSFW art @justthecress