Welcome to Postgame, Sidequest’s monthly Patreon-exclusive podcast, where the editors lay down hot takes on cold games. We’ll be posting short excerpts from the podcast to the site as we release new episodes—if they grab you, consider tossing us a couple bucks a month to hear the full episodes!
This month, we took a look at how we’ve been filling our idle time and went down the mobile game rabbit hole to talk about Love Island: The Game, various stinky games, Love Island: The Game, Tales of Crestoria, Love Island: The Game, Project Makeover, and… there was one more, hang on. Ah, yes, Love Island: The Game.
(As of posting, Melissa has finished every possible scrap of content in the game, Naseem has finished most of seasons 1 and 2, and Zora has finished… day 6 of season 2. Slacking.)
Melissa Brinks: In our Slack chat I just posted two screenshots, which I feel—
Zora Gilbert: I can—I am screaming at these. Not literally, because I’m recording, but internally I’m shrieking.
Melissa: There are two—
Naseem Jamnia: Wow.
Melissa: There are two moods to Love Island: The Game that I have decided to tell through two screenshots.
Zora: Oh my God.
Melissa: In the first, you have—
Naseem: The second one!
Melissa: In the first, you have two characters—this is Harry and Seb, and then my character is down at the bottom just chillin’. And Harry, after having a nice conversation with Seb about emotions and anger and dealing with difficult emotions—
Zora: Wait, I need to describe Harry’s face, because—
Melissa: It’s misleading. Seb is the one looking directly into the camera.
Zora: Oh, well then I’m going to describe Seb’s face. That is misleading. I’m gonna describe Seb’s face. Seb has long hair, which is kind of tied up into a bun on the top of his head. He’s white. He’s ripped, as I assume all of these characters are.
Zora: He’s got like a neatly trimmed beard. Full, kind of pink lips. And the most beautiful eyelashes I have ever seen in a drawing this small.
Naseem: And a nice eyebrow scar.
Zora: He’s got like lip liner.
Melissa: Yeah. The worst thing about Seb is that he is not dateable.
Zora: Oh no!
Melissa: Huge point of anger in the Love Island: The Game community.
Zora: He’s wearing trunks with skulls and roses on them, but not in an edgy way. It’s just like—they seem casual.
Melissa: Yeah, he’s an emo boy, and he starts a podcast with the other undateable character from this season—
Zora: Oh my God.
Melissa: —in the postseason when you all go on a cruise together.
Zora: Incredible. I’m sorry to have derailed, I—
Meilssa: It’s okay.
Naseem: No, this is important derailing.
Melissa: I think that’s good for people to get the full experience. So Harry and Seb have just had this conversation that’s like a deep conversation about their feelings and about anger and that kind of stuff. And Harry is saying, “Yeah, therapy helped me out big time,” because they just had like a really—I think in season two and season three, there are in-depth discussions about the benefits of therapy. And specifically, the benefits of therapy relating to male characters—like the conversations—
Melissa: —almost always come up around male characters. The second screenshot I have included is my character looking very excited and saying, “I am so excited to suck a toe.”
And those are the two moods of Love Island: The Game.
Zora: Stunning. I will put these in the Patreon posts as the show notes because I—iconic. Iconic.
Melissa: Yeah, I’ve got some wild screenshots of this game. Also, every season begins with a discussion of consent.
Zora: Oh my God?
Melissa: And it’ll often be around things like wearing a condom and that kind of thing.
Melissa: And then there’s just foot fetish jokes.
Naseem: This is in direct contrast with—I used to play a lot of dating sims, like otome specifically dating sims that also have like gacha components, specifically by this company called Cyber. The two I played mostly—because the other ones you had to pay money or whatever—was Midnight Cinderella and Love and Magic in Wonderland. And yeah, there’s none of that.
Absolutely none of that. I mean, it’s very visual novel style. It’s not like you have choices or anything but uh, nope. There’s just a lot of supposed sweeping off your feet.
Zora: Incredible. I’m out here like, maybe I’ll play Love Island: The Game.
Naseem: I downloaded it. I’m excited.
Melissa: I’m glad it’s like—
Zora: Hold on. My phone’s in the other room, but I’ll download it later.
Melissa: Definitely play season 2 first, because that, I think, is the best one and then you all can tell me who your favorite and least favorite characters are because I’m dying to know.
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Theme music is Bass Thee by Alexander Nakarada, used under Creative Commons 0.
Melissa Brinks is Sidequest’s editor in chief, co-creator of the Fake Geek Girls podcast, author of The Compendium of Magical Beasts, and an aspiring beekeeper. She once won an argument on the internet, and tweets at @MelissaBrinks.