Hi everybody! Animal Crossing: New Horizons is out! I’ve been doing nothing but playing it! Lots of other things happened this week but they’re not important! Just kidding, I’ll talk about them also! I’m just so excited about Animal Crossing and its amazing power to make all the chaos of the outside world simply melt away! Nothing could possibly be wrong, everything’s fine on my island! Speaking of Animal Crossing:

No Really, Animal Crossing Is Finally Here

I’m seriously so excited. Yes, I’m using AC as escapism to avoid thinking about the coronavirus pandemic, self-isolation, and my own imminent funemployment, but listen, I just love catching butterflies and digging up fossils and having ocarina parties with my friends who are also trapped at home while the world outside is on fire. I could talk your ears off for days about how much Animal Crossing is pulling me through right now, but instead, here’s a roundup of my favorite articles, reviews, and tweets about AC that have come out this week:

Developer Crows Crows Crows Responds to GDC Cancellation with a Satirical MMO Games Conference Called CDC

Coronavirus has hit everyone hard, with conference after conference being cancelled. When GDC was cancelled, it left many people with plane tickets and several free days that would otherwise have been jam-packed, so people were left with a hole in their hearts where a whole-ass conference should have been. But Crows Crows Crows, the developers of The Stanley Parable and Accounting+, responded to the cancellation of GDC by putting on their own parody version of a games conference, an online MMO-style game where you could interact with other players from around the world by attending “talks,” conversing using pre-scripted messages (“The real party’s in the garden!”), and handing out business cards representing whatever randomly generated character you were assigned when you logged on. My randomly generated character at one point was an image of Dewey from Malcolm in the Middle, and my name was listed as “Helpful Hewey.” My brother had a character that was the head of Jack Black on a body made out of several Elmo dolls. It was… a really, really bizarre and hilarious experience all around. Kudos to Crows Crows Crows for coming up with this wild and hysterical satire with such a short turnaround.

GameStop Finally Closes All Its Stores After Calling Itself an “Essential Business”

After originally resisting closing its physical locations due to the spread of COVID-19, claiming it is an “essential business” because people can get computer mice and keyboards from them, GameStop has finally closed all of its storefronts following outcry from employees and lawmakers. GameStop will move to a curbside pickup and delivery model during this time.

PayPals Linked to Nintendo eShop Accounts Hacked

Many Nintendo gamers were the victims of fraud this week, after hackers exploited PayPal accounts linked to the Nintendo eShop. The hackers made fraudulent charges of hundreds of dollars worth of V-Bucks, the premium currency for Fortnite. If you haven’t already, I strongly recommend you unlink your PayPal account from your Nintendo account, at least for the time being.

Coronavirus Sucks, But the Toilet Paper Situation is Kinda Funny, Even in Fallout 76

The COVID-19 pandemic is nothing to laugh about, but there is some humor in the fact that people are panic-buying toilet paper in bulk to the extent that stores are literally running out of their supplies and unable to keep TP stocked. But one thing I find very funny is that Fallout 76 players residing in a fictional United States are paralleling the toilet paper panic by parodying the misguided shopping sprees. Now, many Fallout 76 players are obsessively collecting virtual toilet paper and jacking up the prices in their stores. Now that’s what I call political satire.

Annoyed by JoyCon Drift? Maybe Try This Android App

I know I’m very much not the only one who’s been afflicted with the EXTREMELY ANNOYING Nintendo Switch JoyCon issue of drift. Many players have experienced this drifting effect, wherein the left analog stick seems to get “stuck” and your character will continue moving even though you are not directing them anywhere. The issue is so annoying and pervasive that Nintendo is even facing a class action lawsuit over it. However, smartphone app developer DeepBlue Labs has come up with an unorthodox solution: using Android phones to function as either the left or right Joy-Cons, as well as a Pro Controller. Using the app, players can also connect USB gamepads to the phone, which can then be used to control the Switch. I already caved and bought two Pro Controllers (I simply couldn’t stand how much the drift was affecting my own gameplay), but if you’re still annoyed and haven’t rage-bought the better product already like me, maybe give this Android app a try.

In Other News…