At Sidequest, we have a flexible staff of some 40 contributors. Publishing a Game of the Year list for each of us is simply unfeasible, and there’s always a lot of overlap. Instead of giving you another (late, even!) list of the top ten games we played this year and why, we decided to turn it over to someone else.
See, the thing is, you’ve probably already heard why these games are great. But have you heard why they’re bad? Have you heard why they’re bad in the most unhelpful way possible? Probably not, which is why we’re bringing you our favorite games we played this year, as told by the worst reviews we could find of them. Enjoy!
Dishonored: Death of the Outsider
Way too many ♥♥♥♥ing cultists
— Chosen by Joesph Langdon
Night in the Woods
The only people who actually like this game are furry millenial pseudo-intellectuals who think “dude, the universe is like, unchangeable, man” is Socrates-level thinking
— Chosen by Melissa Brinks
Super Mario Odyssey
over rated, nothing new here, same old regurgitated garbage companies have been selling you for decades. Its another mediocre game switch owners can leverage to justify a worthless system. Oh well, to each his own……….
— Chosen by Corinne McCreery
Ladykiller in a Bind
This game made me so horny I cried, because I finally realized being horny is good.
— Chosen by Annie Blitzen
Mass Effect: Andromeda
If mass effect was a tire, and two was a hover tire, this game would be the equivalent of a wooden cart wheel. An step backwards in a franchise that use to be great. That’s what happens when you let sjws run your studio.
— Chosen by Soco Cinconegui
I got 18 achievements on this game by opening it and leaving my computer unattended overnight. I haven’t played a single second of it. Just left it there. 18 achievements out of 50. That says a lot about the state of gaming (or about this game).
— Chosen by Zainabb Hull
So, funny story. I actually build stained glass windows for a living. When I got an email about a Kickstarter for a game about making stained glass windows, I groaned because I try to avoid backing things on Kickstarter and I pretty much had to back this.
But what is it like to be a glazier playing Fox’s Job: The Game? …
My first impression when I opened the box was how bloodless everything is. I rarely get a proto-window slapped on my table that doesn’t have blood on it somewhere. Usually in small fingerprints shapes on the glass or just smeared on the pattern.
— Chosen by Brenda Noiseux
From the mind of Game Director, Yoko Ono…Why would an advanced AI from the future use a sword? Dumb.
— Chosen by Madison Butler
The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild
The game would be 5 stars…BUT…It rains 80% of the time in the game so you can’t do anything while it rains or storms. I’ve been in six storm cycles straight right now with no end in sight. Then there are the different buttons to skip animations (X or +) and the different buttons to dash (water vs. land). What crackhead decided this button layout? Also, the horses… What good are they if I have to get off them and leave them to do stuff and I’m too far to whistle for them?
Melissa Brinks is Sidequest’s editor in chief, co-creator of the Fake Geek Girls podcast, author of The Compendium of Magical Beasts, and an aspiring beekeeper. She once won an argument on the internet, and tweets at @MelissaBrinks.